Chapter 81: An apology, first, before it’s too late, I…
by GideonEven if it was just a hallucination, Jubin answered as if clinging to the empty air.
The fluid leaking from his wrinkled entrance soaked his hand before trickling down below his groin.
He felt a sense of satisfaction. He pictured himself being held, wanting to hear his voice just a little more.
It felt so good to trace the hard arms and developed trapezius muscles forged from his long athletic career.
The flawless abs, the explosive power of his thighs, the thick chest, and the intercostal muscles packed tightly between his ribs.
Even another man would have to admit his body was perfect.
Only someone who had been held by him could recall that feeling of fulfillment.
He remembered how those long fingers had so easily stirred inside his most secret place.
Jubin took a sharp, ragged breath and stirred his fingers inside himself.
“Ah…!”
He hated the sound of his own moans, yet he couldn’t bear to let go of the pleasure that surged through him, threatening to choke him.
I just want Zion to hold me like this.
As the pleasure reached its peak, he grew slicker, his heat intensifying.
A faint, gentle scent wafted from somewhere. It was a wet, subtly fresh aroma—his own natural scent, rising from his warm skin.
“It’s okay. I love your scent, senior.”
The shock of Zion licking his fingers, now coated in Jubin’s own fluids, had been immense. But it had also sparked a profound feeling: that Zion might accept him, no matter how unsightly he became.
It was a flicker of hope—that Zion might be someone he didn’t have to prove himself to—mingled with the fear of whether he would truly be accepted that completely.
The problem was, I still wasn’t fully ready to show myself as I was, so I couldn’t reach a conclusion right away.
There was no need to rush. My current situation was pathetic and miserable, but I was just grateful I could at least soothe my lust with my fingertips.
If I had just grabbed anyone and fucked them on my way out the front door, I might never have forgiven myself.
Good job, I told myself, you made the right choice, as I thrust my fingers deeper inside.
It’s okay to be pathetic. I’m alone. No one’s watching. As long as Zion doesn’t find out, it’s fine, right?
My body, too honest in its submission to the overwhelming stimulation, stiffened as a wave of ecstasy washed over my lower abdomen and thighs.
“Ngh… ah, hah… haaah…”
My wrist and fingers were aching from the strain, yet my inner walls—now completely loosened and receptive—quivered and writhed.
“Sunbae, I think you’re all ready.”
I knew it was just a hallucination, but I couldn’t help but respond to his tender voice.
“You’re right…”
I just want to go like this…
“Zion…”
I called his name, spreading my legs as wide as possible to open my pelvis. It was shameful, but the delusion I’d traded my dignity for created a pressure that felt all too real, despite being a mere fantasy.
That searing, aching pressure… the feeling of being filled to the point of bursting by something so thick.
“Focus.”
The thrilling pain I’d experienced before filled my belly. I moved my hand faster, terrified I’d miss the climax.
“Haah…!”
Just a little more…
Finally, Jubin threw his head back and came with a satisfied groan.
Right then—
Ding-dong. Ding-dong.
The sudden chime of the doorbell sent his heart plummeting. He froze, his entire body locking up, even his breath hitching.
Who could it be at this hour?
He waited, hoping it was just a stranger who’d mistaken his place for another and would soon move on.
Ding—dong. Ding—dong.
“Fuck…”
Move on? The sheer inconvenience of it all drew a curse from his lips.
Jubin carefully withdrew his hand. The slick, wetness on his skin and the soaked sheets were a problem, but he crept toward the bathroom, trying to keep his presence as undetectable as possible.
Whoever it was, he wasn’t the one with an urgent matter. He washed his hands and thighs under running water before emerging.
Ding-dong. Ding-dong.
The insistent doorbell made Jubin throw on some underwear and pants before stepping in front of the tablet intercom.
“Who is it?”
A plastic bag with a bubble tea brand logo was thrust toward the camera. The person’s face remained hidden.
Jubin rarely ordered delivery, preferring to eat out. Drinks were even less likely.
“I didn’t order anything,” he said, cutting the connection.
Just as he breathed a sigh of relief, thinking he’d worried for nothing, the doorbell rang again.
The screen still showed the same bubble tea logo. Annoyed by the rain and the persistence, Jubin yanked the door open.
“I told you, I didn’t order—”
The words died in his throat.
“Hey, senior.”
Standing there, a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, was Zion, grinning up at him.
What the hell…
Jubin’s face flushed crimson, a guilty conscience flaring up. He’d been fantasizing about Zion—doing all sorts of lewd things to himself while imagining him—until just moments ago.
“How… how are you even here?”
“Surprised?”
Shouldn’t he be in the States? How could he just show up like this without a word?
Zion shook the sealed milk tea in his hand. “I came straight from the airport to give this to you, Sunbae.”
He glanced past Jubin into the living room and asked cautiously, “Can I come in?”
Jubin couldn’t bring himself to turn him away after he’d come all this way. His relief and excitement won out, and he swung the front door wide open.
“Yeah. Come in.”
“Excuse me.”
Then, the image of his soiled bedsheets flashed through Jubin’s mind.
“Wait! My place is a mess!”
Using that as an excuse, Jubin hurriedly slammed the master bedroom door shut.
He set the milk tea on the small table and slowly scanned the apartment.
“It’s cleaner than last time.”
“Ah…”
Come to think of it, the place is always a mess when he visits. Today, Jubin had to defend the master bedroom at all costs.
“Sit there.”
Since the table was the only suitable spot, Jubin pulled out the chair he usually used and offered it to Zion. He could just use the folding chair.
To break the awkward silence, Jubin took out the milk tea.
“Thanks. I’ll enjoy this.”
“It’s from a brand that’s really popular in the States right now. I bought it because you like it, sunbae.”
For a split second, Jubin almost mistook it for a confession—that Zion liked him, not the milk tea.
Is the rain messing with my head?
It dawned on him too late. He couldn’t smell any pheromones from the man. He didn’t know if he was deliberately hiding them, if the effect of the marking he’d left had worn off, or if it was the chip—but the absence left him feeling more than just disappointed. He missed it.
“How was the shoot in the States?”
“It went well.”
“Good job. You must be exhausted.”
Jubin knew all too well that traveling that far for a shoot was no small feat. He deliberately avoided asking for details about the trip, deciding it was best not to bring up the lack of communication.
“Have you had dinner yet?”
“No, not yet,” he replied tersely.
Did he really come all this way just to give me this milk tea? Jubin shook the thought away, scolding himself for overthinking.
“Is there anything you want to eat?”
“You, senior.”
The man’s voice sounded strangely heavy. Jubin felt a surge of tension but kept his voice casual.
“What?”
“…Were you okay?”
His low voice still vibrated in my ears, heightening my tension. He was beating around the bush, so I decided to play dumb and do the same.
“About what?”
“I asked if you were okay while I was gone.”
What would I not be okay about? I wanted to snap back with a casual retort, but something lodged in my throat, choking my voice.
“I had a really hard time,” Zion confessed, his voice unwavering.
The steady gaze he held confirmed it.
The certainty that I was the cause of his pain.
The fact that I wasn’t the only one who had suffered.
But after finally reuniting with him, I didn’t want to bring up the past and make things awkward.
I’d waited for him all this time, my thoughts always on him. But it was over now. What good would it do to bring it up again? It would only lead to conflict. I wanted to avoid any serious conversation if I could.
Jubin reached out and gently patted Zion’s head, right over his hat.
“Our Zion must have had a hard time in the States. To think you even missed me there.”
For a moment, Jubin felt a strange sensation—the faint scent of pheromones wafting from Zion. But he quickly withdrew his hand, pretending to search for his phone.
“Want to go get some Korean food? It’s been a while.”
As Jubin stood up, Zion’s silent gaze followed him.
In truth, Jubin wanted to ignore his own feelings. He was afraid that if he finally spoke them, Zion wouldn’t truly understand. He feared that Zion hadn’t waited for him with the same desperate longing he had felt.
So I had to steer the conversation toward something light, no matter what.
“Oh, I bet there are plenty of Korean restaurants in the States these days. You love noodles, right? Should I look for a place that serves those?”
As I grabbed my phone from the living room floor and pushed myself up, his voice dropped an octave, a warning tone.
“Don’t avoid this conversation.”
A shiver ran down my spine, but I kept playing dumb.
“I’m just trying to order first so you don’t get hungry.”
“We’re seeing each other for the first time in ten days. I showed up unannounced, and you still have absolutely nothing you want to ask me, Sunbae?”
Of course I did. I had so many questions.
But I couldn’t explain them all to you. Or rather, I wondered if I even should.
And beyond that, I was terrified that if I did, this fragile relationship would crumble.
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