Chapter 83: Because That’s Just What We Are.
by GideonI wanted to say it as calmly as possible—that I’d been doing just fine without him—but meeting Zion’s eyes made it impossible.
“I thought I just had to accept whatever choice you made back then,” Jubin added weakly.
“…Because that’s just what we are.”
“Wait a minute.”
Zion stared at him, his expression one of utter confusion. After a long moment of thought, he let out a short, dry laugh.
“Did you think you’d been ghosted?”
Jubin swallowed the lump in his throat and replied with feigned composure.
“What’s there to call a breakup? I just figured you’d ghosted me and accepted the situation.”
He tried to act unbothered, as if it were a perfectly reasonable reaction to the circumstances.
A heavy silence fell between them. Zion let out a deep sigh and asked,
“Doesn’t that feel unfair?”
Unfair? Jubin struggled to grasp what he meant.
“…What is?”
“You’re the type who stays faithful to one person—whether a lover or a partner—until things are officially over. But your partners? They’re out there seeing whoever they want.”
The moment the words hit him, the wall Jubin had built around his emotions began to crumble from the inside out.
You always know exactly how to dig into my wounds, don’t you…
“Don’t you feel unfair? Always being the one to prepare for the breakup, accepting everything until the other person gets bored and leaves.”
Zion had crossed the line again.
Everyone who had left him had cursed his contradictory nature, but no one had ever asked if it felt unfair.
Jubin froze, unable to even swallow. He stared at Zion, his breath slowly fading as he let it all out.
“I get it. I know you’re trying your best to be remembered as a good person because you feel guilty. I can see how much you’re walking on eggshells around me.”
He spoke with a calm, steady tone, then added with a smile, “But don’t try to reassure me like that.”
It’s as if you’re telling me I’m the exception. Once again, he planted a seed of hope in me.
“You don’t need to do that. You’re already a good enough person to me. I’ll keep liking you just the way you are, without you having to try so hard. You don’t have to prove anything. You’re fine just as you are.”
Without trying? Just as I am?
But the real me is so plain, so unremarkable, a pathetic person with nothing to offer.
Trying hard isn’t the difficult part. I’ve lived my whole life that way.
If I don’t even do that, I’ll only be abandoned more. So why are you asking me to do the one thing I can’t?
Besides, your affection carries a weight entirely different from the kind I’m used to.
How could I possibly deserve your affection, your attention—even your love—without doing anything to earn it?
His love, so heavy and relentless, felt like a lump in my throat I couldn’t swallow.
“As long as you don’t run away or push me away, I’m sure we’ll never break up.”
The self-loathing that had always told me I was too broken, too inadequate… the gnawing fear that I’d never survive the future…
All of it crumbled, utterly useless, before him.
“You just don’t know…”
There’s no such thing as ‘absolute’ or ‘forever’ in this world.
We might be happy now, but feelings can change in an instant.
Jubin had learned this the hard way. He’d seen too many promises of forever sour with the changing tides, and too many vows to stay together crumble as emotions shifted.
It’s not that I don’t trust you completely, Jubin thought. It’s just that I know how people are. I know how circumstances change.
He knew the man would only deny it if he spoke his mind, especially since he used the word “never” with such unwavering certainty. Still, Jubin stated his position as plainly as possible.
“You never know what the future holds.”
“I’m certain. So why do you keep leaving the door open for an end, Sunbae?”
The man pressed Jubin relentlessly, determined to force the words he wanted to hear from his lips.
“Do you have any idea how far I’m willing to go with you?”
Exactly. I have no idea how far you’re willing to go. I can’t even begin to fathom the depth of your feelings…
Jubin let out a heavy sigh and buried his face in his hands. The man’s words were like a direct assault on his emotions, and he was utterly powerless to defend himself.
Jubin was the one who wanted to redefine their relationship more than anyone else.
He knew it was greedy, but the other man was just too damn sincere. Besides, being with him felt so comfortable and warm—he even filled the void of Jubin’s loneliness. He couldn’t bear to let him go.
Even if this warmth turns into a scar later, maybe it’s okay to be a little honest today, he thought.
But being honest was far more terrifying than he had imagined.
What do I do?
Faced with this turmoil, Jubin took a deep breath and just let it all out.
“If you weren’t cheating, then why the hell did you ghost me for ten whole days?”
The first word was the hardest. After that, it was easy.
“…And what’s with the dating rumors?”
As the words poured out, a wave of fear washed over him, and his head bowed instinctively.
“Why did you make things so confusing…!”
Even in this simple moment of seeking clarity—something so essential in any relationship—Jubin felt utterly small.
“Jubin.”
His voice, strangely excited, accompanied his embrace as he pulled Jubin close. Yet Jubin didn’t budge, his face still hidden, eyes tightly shut.
“Look at me. Please?”
Jubin gently shook his head.
The fear of losing this tender voice, of this warmth vanishing, made him shrink within himself. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Zion.
“I never cheated on you,” Zion pleaded, tightening his hold on Jubin’s trembling body. “I’m sorry. I gave my personal phone to my manager, and he lost it at the airport.”
Jubin had considered the possibility of a lost phone, but it had never been his primary worry. Zion was always so meticulous, so disciplined—he’d never even suspected him. But to think his manager had lost it…
“I even thought about buying a new phone halfway through, but—not to make excuses—we were just so short on time. And of all places, the shoot was in the middle of the desert.”
Zion let out a deep sigh, his voice taking on a lamenting tone as he continued.
“Sunbae, you’ve never been to the desert, have you?”
“We were eating and sleeping in this rundown shack with the staff, all while finishing the shoot. Then, out of nowhere, a tornado warning was issued near the airport, and we were stranded for a few more days.”
SUB Entertainment had been unnervingly quiet, considering the string of disasters. They hadn’t even responded to the dating rumors. For CEO Park Ji-bun, this was a catastrophe that should have sent the entire company into a state of emergency.
“The company was so quiet, though…”
“CEO Park went with us this time. He claimed it was his final duty to assist me before my contract renewal, but he just lounged around in a luxury hotel, eating and playing, watching the fire from across the river.”
Zion shook his head slightly, a look of utter disbelief on his face.
“Don’t worry about the articles targeting me. It’s just noise marketing Dominic’s team is running—and it’s all false information.”
Noise marketing? At this point, Jubin wondered why CEO Park Ji-bun, who must know the truth, was refusing to release an official statement.
“But they haven’t even published a rebuttal. I haven’t seen a single correction stating the articles are false.”
“Because CEO Park is just waiting for the right moment to go viral.”
“What moment?”
“You know how it is. Articles like this—completely baseless ones—always break right before something big happens.”
Jubin nodded, finally understanding.
“Ah, right… the IPO review…”
People who get caught up in these kinds of articles usually get drawn in by the dating rumors, only to find out the company is about to go public.
Is Do Zion going to renew his contract with SUB Entertainment? The public’s attention shifted, focusing on the possibility.
SUB Entertainment was reaping the benefits of the situation without lifting a finger.
“Since SUB Entertainment didn’t react, Dominic’s side immediately flooded the news with correction articles,” he explained. “The correction articles came out right away in the US, so I thought Korea was the same, but I guess it wasn’t.”
Hearing the details from him, the turmoil that had been eating at my heart slowly melted away. I felt relieved that it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined.
Though I couldn’t help but feel a little empty.
“Thanks for telling me. I guess I was overthinking things on my own.”
The misunderstanding about the article was resolved. But Zion, as if he still had more to say, lowered his gaze and continued.
“Were you the one who was too busy, Sunbae? So busy you could only leave a single message?”
Zion suddenly pinned me against the wall, glaring at me with a suspicious look.
He even braced his hand against the wall, as if I might try to run away.
“Why does it always feel like I’m the only one who worries about you? Like I’m the only one who comes to see you because I miss you?”
Zion threw the words at him with brutal honesty, admitting how deeply uncomfortable he’d been with the lack of affection, attention, and concern he’d expected. Even though they were feeling the same thing, Zion never hesitated to act on it, while Jubin was always too busy hiding his feelings.
“Well…”
Jubin averted his gaze, trailing off awkwardly.
You’re always so busy, he thought. And this time, it just didn’t feel like my turn to reach out. Besides, we’re partners—close, yet so far apart that I can’t just contact you whenever I want without feeling impatient… and…
A million reasons flooded his mind, but none of them made it past his lips.
“I know you only told me you liked me to make me feel good,” Zion said, a sigh of resignation escaping him. He was smiling, but for some reason, he looked heartbroken. “But thank you anyway. For always saying that when I needed to hear it.”
Are you really okay with just that much?
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