Chapter 48
by GideonBefore Taemo could even finish his reply, a scene flashed through Juhyeon’s mind. The familiar touch of hands exploring his body, the warmth of skin against skin. It wasn’t the first time… Juhyeon swallowed hard and stroked his cheek. Throughout it all, Taemo’s relentless gaze followed his every move. Lacking the courage to meet those burning eyes, Juhyeon kept his gaze fixed on the phone screen, blinking rapidly.
– Fuck, so it wasn’t even your first time? Then why the hell were you acting like such a fucking prude all this time?
“…”
Taemo slammed the pen-knife in his hand down onto the phone screen. A crack spiderwebbed across the glass, but Seo Jinyoung’s breathless voice continued, relentless.
– Ah, just thinking about it is getting me so fucking hard. You were peeking because you wanted to get fucked while I was sucking off that other guy, weren’t you? Ha… I just want to shove it in you without even getting hard.
Taemo’s breathing grew increasingly ragged. He ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek, staring down at his phone screen with a frigid gaze that bordered on contempt. Yet, his voice betrayed none of the turmoil churning within him. It remained cold and dry.
“Not today.”
– Why? Why the fuck are you always so busy?
“What do you think a bastard like me would be doing? I’m busy killing people.”
– Should I quit my job and partner up with you? That sounds kind of sexy.
“Don’t bullshit me. If you stepped out of your role as a client, you’d be a whore in no time.”
Did Seo Jinyoung know just how true those words were? Taemo gripped the hidden blade of his pencil so hard his knuckles threatened to burst through his skin.
– Fine. How about next week? When you’re free, come to the hotel. I’ll leave word with the front desk, so just ask for the key.
“I’ll see.”
Seo Jinyoung had just been spewing words that could set anyone’s skin on fire, yet he’d hung up with a tone as cold as winter wind. But even this change in attitude didn’t faze Seo Jinyoung.
Yeah, babe. See you next week?
CRACK.
Taemo slammed the pen-knife in his hand down onto the phone again. This time, the screen split perfectly down the middle, and the display went black. He’d only been carrying the phone to stay in touch with Seo Jinyoung anyway, but his hand showed no mercy as he smashed it. Was he disgusted by the empty words he’d been forced to say just to deceive the man? Lee Taemo’s brow furrowed as he continued to stab at the shattered screen. Shards of glass ground into the side of his hand.
Juhyeon hurriedly reached out and grabbed his wrist. His hand trembled violently, perhaps from the raw emotion that still refused to subside.
“…Your hand! You’re hurt.”
Juhyeon gently pried the knife from Taemo’s tight grip and inspected the side of his hand. Beads of blood welled up in every scratch and gash. Frowning, Juhyeon tried to brush away the debris clinging to his skin. But Taemo pulled his hand away before he could.
“I’m fine.”
“…It must hurt.”
No matter how grueling the training, no matter how used to pain he was, it still had to hurt. Juhyeon’s gaze kept drifting back to Taemo’s hand.
“Send the letter tomorrow at dawn. We’re done here. I’m in a shitty mood.”
“Got it.”
Kang-i didn’t dare say another word. He just nodded and quickly shut his laptop. Juhyeon hurriedly packed his things, tucking the thick stack of magazines under his arm—the ones he’d use to make the letter for Seo Jinyoung—and stood up.
Taemo had already slipped away without a sound, his figure receding into the distance. I gave Kang-i a cursory wave of goodbye and hurried after him.
“Wait, wait a second!”
I practically had to run to keep up as Taemo bounded up the stairs two or three at a time. I only managed to snag his wrist just before he stepped completely out of the building.
“At least let me shake that off. Ugh.“
Catching my breath, I vigorously shook his hand, trying to dislodge any remaining debris. Not satisfied, I leaned in and blew on his skin, checking for any lingering fragments.
“It’s fine. It’s not like this is gonna kill me.”
“…It still hurts, though. You said it’s been a while since you’ve been hit. You’re not even used to the pain anymore.”
Juhyeon kept checking the side of his hand, keeping Taemo standing there with a bored expression. This time, Taemo had simply offered his hand without resistance, quietly looking down at Juhyeon. Because he was standing a few steps above, his shadow fell steeply over Juhyeon, enveloping him.
“So what about you?”
“Me? What?”
“Are you used to it? The pain.”
“Of course I am—better than you, anyway. I’ve worked as a human punching bag for part-time jobs so often. You can’t help but build up some toughness when you’re always around people who throw punches the moment they run out of things to say.”
Taemo didn’t look pleased, so Juhyeon deliberately kept his tone playful. As he rambled on, the heat from outside the building began to seep in. The cool air from the AC that had been clinging to his skin had completely faded, and sweat started to bead on his forehead as his cheeks flushed red.
Taemo looked down silently at Juhyeon, who kept muttering as he examined his injured hand. He reached out with his other arm and gently wiped the sweat beginning to bead on Juhyeon’s forehead.
“I’ll make that bastard feel it too,” he murmured.
“…”
“The pain you felt… the fucking heat and cold… I’ll make him experience it all.”
His words sounded like a solemn vow. He reached out again, pulling Juhyeon—who had been standing a good deal lower than him—up by the shoulder to stand by his side. They were standing in the same sweltering heat, yet a constant, icy chill radiated from Taemo. It was a moment that made Juhyeon feel the life Taemo must have lived, defying every season and every moment.
As soon as they got home, Taemo badgered Juhyeon into washing from head to toe. His reason? The scent clinging to Juhyeon’s body was absolutely terrible.
“You’re so weird. I thought you smelled fine back at the karaoke place.”
Juhyeon only ventured into the living room after his hair was completely dry. Taemo, who had been fiddling with the bandage clumsily applied to the back of his own hand, looked up. He then patted the spot on the sofa next to him.
Sitting side-by-side had become a familiar routine.
As Juhyeon awkwardly settled into the spot, Taemo immediately leaned in. He pressed his face close to Juhyeon’s neck again, inhaling his scent. Frozen, Juhyeon stared straight ahead, his eyes darting around.
“This is better.”
The verdict was delivered with a chilling lack of tact.
The shampoo and body wash from the karaoke place smelled great, too. Juhyeon couldn’t fathom what the difference was, but the inexplicable intensity in Lee Taemo’s voice made a strange itch tickle the side of his chest.
Even after taking his fill of Juhyeon’s scent, Taemo didn’t pull away. When Juhyeon awkwardly pushed his shoulder, he finally complied and backed off. Seizing the moment, Juhyeon scrambled to his feet.
“I’m… I’m going to get a beer. I need to work.”
Juhyeon squeezed his eyes shut and hurried away. Behind him, the sound of a soft chuckle drifted through the air. Taemo clearly knew he was just making an excuse to escape.
Juhyeon lingered for a moment, fussing around before finally grabbing a can of beer. As he turned back toward the living room, he noticed Taemo’s gaze fixed on his bare feet.
“…”
Why is he staring at my feet like that?
Flustered, Juhyeon quickened his pace, refusing to even glance at Taemo as he hurried to the table. He immediately began rummaging through the thick pile of magazines.
Juhyeon needed to prepare the next letter for Seo Jinyoung. Since the pen-knife had broken in Taemo’s hands earlier, he picked up the thicker knife he’d used before. With no clients to receive, there were no bodies or blood to clean up. Besides, there was more than enough information on Seo Jinyoung—he didn’t even need to steal anything. So, naturally, Juhyeon ended up taking charge of these minor tasks. Still, he couldn’t afford to be sloppy after accepting such a large retainer. He scanned the pages with intense focus, searching for the letters.
As he flipped through the paper, Juhyeon’s body suddenly stiffened.
“…I have to do this.”
“Do it. Who’s stopping you?”
Taemo slid off the sofa and sat on the floor. Not content with just sitting close, he wrapped his arm around Juhyeon’s waist. Juhyeon froze instantly.
“I said I have to do this.”
“Yeah, yeah. Go on, work hard.”
Despite his words, Taemo’s grip around Juhyeon’s waist tightened. With Taemo’s chest pressed firmly against his back, Juhyeon’s concentration shattered completely.
“Hey, I’m holding a knife, you know? This is dangerous.”
“What’s the worst you could do to me?”
“…”
Juhyeon tried to threaten him, but it was useless. Taemo simply rested his chin on Juhyeon’s shoulder and watched. Sweat pooled in the palm of Juhyeon’s hand gripping the knife, and even breathing felt awkward.
“The Company called. I’m going tomorrow.”
“…”
The movement of Juhyeon readjusting his grip on the knife froze. A call from the Company meant it was time to settle things. Taemo had only told him that he just needed to survive, but Juhyeon could guess how dangerous it would be.
“…You’re leaving sooner than I thought.”
“If I wait any longer, I might not be able to get back in. Just ask Kang-i to let you stay over.”
Taemo had warned him several times that he would be wrapping things up with the Company soon, so Juhyeon had been mentally preparing. Still, fear was fear. He was terrified Taemo would get hurt, terrified he would lose him. After all, Taemo was just as much a victim as anyone else, yet he was taking the entire burden on his shoulders alone.
“Can you still contact me, though?”
“I’ll try.”
He said it, but Juhyeon knew Taemo wouldn’t reach out. And if those words were to be his last, Juhyeon would foolishly cling to that promise and wait for him for the rest of his life.
“…Yes. I’ll wait for you, doing everything you told me to.”
Don’t go. Can’t you stay? Can I come with you? Juhyeon swallowed all the words he wanted to say. Any careless remark could put Taemo in danger. He’d expected a reply like, Don’t get into trouble, but instead, Taemo’s voice sounded displeased.
“You don’t seem all that sad about it, though?”
“What?”
“You should be telling me to come back as soon as possible. You should be pestering me to call you no matter what happens.”
It was as if Taemo had read every thought Juhyeon had kept hidden. Though he flinched inwardly, Juhyeon feigned composure and turned a page of his magazine.
“I can’t push you to overexert yourself. Besides, you’ll be back safe and sound anyway, so why should I rush you?”
“So you’re really going to hide how much you’ll miss me until the very end?”
Taemo chuckled softly as he asked. With his body pressed against mine and his face resting on my shoulder, I could feel his laughter vibrating through me. It sent a tickle through my chest.
“Why would I… show it?” I stammered. “You’re the one who said finishing this job safely is what matters right now.”
“Still, it feels a bit empty.”
The sound of his breath tickled my ear. I wanted to flinch, but I didn’t dare move, afraid that any shift would make him pull away.
“But Hyungnim, why have you become so… cheesy? This isn’t like you.”
“I just don’t want to have any regrets.”
“…”
“You’re the one who gave me this chance, aren’t you? I’d be an idiot to let it slip away.”
He was acting like this was his last chance. Like someone trying to live without regrets before leaving. No wonder Juhyeon’s anxiety refused to subside. His hand trembled violently, and the knife he’d been holding clattered onto the magazine.
“And first, let’s change that fucking honorific.”
“…”
“You keep calling me Hyeongnim, and it feels like you’re drawing a line. It’s annoying, too—it makes you look like you can’t shake off that ex-gangster label.”
“I wasn’t in a gang…”
“Same difference, kid. Just call me Hyeong.”
The grip around his waist tightened, the thick arm wrapped around his side and waist now squeezing painfully, but Juhyeon didn’t pull away. He simply buried his forehead in the crook of Taemo’s neck, swallowing hard in time with the deep breaths he drew in.
“…Hyeong?”
“If you don’t want to, Hyung-ah?”
“Ah, no way.”
“Is ‘Taemo-ssi’ okay?”
Taemo-ssi? Just the thought of using such a cringey honorific made Juhyeon’s skin crawl. He gagged dramatically, and Taemo chuckled, his shoulders shaking.
“Someone would think you’re cleaning up a corpse. Huh?”
His metaphors are never normal, Juhyeon thought, but he was just glad the atmosphere hadn’t grown any heavier.
“I’ll just call you Hyung, okay? It’s not that hard…”
“…”
“Hyung.”
At the word, Taemo buried his face even deeper into Juhyeon’s neck. He leaned in with his full weight, causing Juhyeon’s upper body to slowly tilt away.
“Are you sure you’re calling me?”
“…Yes, Taemo Hyung.”
Juhyeon had never been good at making friends, but he was confident in his ability to win over older guys. And Lee Taemo was nothing like the other hyungs who had passed through his life.
Every time Taemo’s lips brushed the nape of his neck, Juhyeon’s fingertips twitched. When Taemo parted his lips to speak, the hot breath felt as if it were spreading across Juhyeon’s entire body.
“I should have done this sooner.”
Taemo seemed immensely satisfied, all for the sake of dropping a single honorific from Hyung-nim to Hyung.
“…Taemo-ya.”
“Yeah?”
Taemo sat up straight, tilting his head. As he leaned in to meet Juhyeon’s gaze, the distance between them closed so much that his breath scattered across Juhyeon’s cheek and lips. Afraid that even the slightest movement of his head would cause their lips to touch, Juhyeon froze, staring straight ahead.
Whether he noticed Juhyeon’s tension or not, Taemo released his arm from around Juhyeon’s waist and gave him a playful flick on the forehead.
“Think you’re on my level now that you’ve grown a little?”
“…”
Maybe I’ve finally gotten used to him, Juhyeon thought. He could now joke around with Lee Taemo just like he did with his friends. It felt strange when he recalled their first meeting. The man who had been nothing more than a frightening and unfamiliar stranger had now become a friend, a dependable older brother, and perhaps something even more. Maybe, he wondered, if we spend more time together, we could become a real family. The missing pieces we both lost.
“I’ll come back safe. I’m not going to die.”
“You’d better. You still have a lot to do, after all.”
Juhyeon wanted to pinky-swear, but a childish gesture like that felt trivial compared to the weight and certainty of Lee Taemo’s words.
“I told you,” Lee Taemo said. “I’ll keep my promise to you, even if it costs me my life.”
Lee Taemo would return. He had to. He had to make Seo Jinyoung pay for the revenge of his father, Dongwoo-hyung, and Kang-i’s mother—and for the loss and loneliness they had been forced to carry all this time.
“…Yes, hyung.”
This time, Juhyeon turned and leaned his head against Taemo’s shoulder. When Taemo had held him before, it had felt overwhelming. But now that the roles were reversed, he felt only a sense of security. He felt the slow, steady strength as Taemo’s arm wrapped around him. Against his side, Taemo’s heart was pounding rapidly.
“I finally got Woo Juhyeon to behave,” Taemo murmured. “If I die, won’t someone else just take him from me?”
“…”
“I definitely can’t die now.”
I thought he was someone who feared nothing, someone who had only ever lived a rough, reckless life. But his heart is pounding so fast… He’s just a person, no different from me.
The realization felt so new and strange that Juhyeon felt tears prickling his eyes.
He rubbed his face against Taemo’s shoulder, refusing to let his eyelashes get wet. If he cried now, it would truly feel like Taemo was going to his death.
As he felt the hand cradling the back of his head and stroking it slowly, the surge of emotion subsided a little.
Juhyeon tightened his arms around Taemo, pulling him closer. They shifted in each other’s embrace, finding a more comfortable position.
Thump, thump.
Counting the beats of Taemo’s still-racing heart, Juhyeon slowly lifted his head. This was his first time trying to soothe someone else’s anxiety, but he felt a newfound courage—the sense that he could do it.
“But… don’t they always do that in movies? You know, right before the big final battle?”
“Do what?”
His gaze remained lowered, but the corner of his mouth quirked up in a lopsided smirk. He probably already knew what she was talking about. After all, it happened in countless movies they’d watched together with the volume turned down.
“Just… you know… a way to confirm their feelings?”
“Seriously, you’re such a geek.”
It wasn’t that she was just desperate for some kind of action. It was more that Taemo seemed nervous and anxious too. Wouldn’t focusing on something like this stop his mind from racing? That was why she’d tentatively brought it up, but Lee Taemo just flicked her forehead again.
“Ow!”
This time, the flick was much harder than before—enough to snap Juhyeon wide awake. As Juhyeon clutched his forehead, Taemo pulled his hand away. Then, he rubbed the spot where the skin was now flushed red.
“Not today.”
“…”
“I felt like shit when you left me alone back then. You want me to go through that again?”
Juhyeon, who had been staring down, widened his eyes. This was an answer he hadn’t expected. He’d known Taemo regretted getting swept up in the moment—he’d worn a bandage on the back of his hand for a long time after that day, after all. But he never imagined Taemo would still be bothered by the fact that Juhyeon had left him alone.
“When you’re able to stay by my side, that’s when you can confirm my feelings—or pull my dick out to confirm it. Just don’t back out.”
“…Weren’t you the one who pulled it out? Why are you talking like—”
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